


Remember

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Needs Help, Adrien Agreste Needs Love, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Canonical Child Abuse, Chat Blanc Spoilers, Don't beat your kids kids, F/M, Fuck Canon, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, I CAN NOW PUT IT AS C A N O N, Identity Reveal, Trans Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, basically canon related, but better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 04:18:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Adrien remembers all of being Chat Blanc.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Plagg, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 9
Kudos: 351





	Remember

Adrien slams his body forward, heaving out painfully. His lungs burn like they’re on fucking  _ fire. _ He can’t fucking  _ breathe. _

“Adrien,” his kwami squawls, worry filling the being’s voice.  _ Fear, _ Adrien notes as tears pool over his face. “Adrien, kid, hey, I’m here, what’s wrong?” A soft paw presses against his cheek, but he flinches at the contact, unsure of how to respond. The kwami instantly reals. “Hey, hey, buddy-” 

“H - H - He’s Hawkmoth,” Adrien whimpers. 

It all felt real, every single  _ fucking second, _ every single fucking second of being  _ Chat Blanc. _ Was it real? Was it fake? Alya and Nino had said they had nightmares where they relived their entire akumatization and the fights that came with it every single time. Kagami and Luka had said the same thing, right? He’s wondering why it’s hitting now, why it’s so suddenly  _ in his fucking face. _ Did it just happen? He felt like it had happened recently, but who was he to say? Was it even recent  _ at all? _

“Plagg,” he cries, pulling the kwami close as he forces himself through what he realized was a panic attack. 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Plagg coaxes, repeating the words over and over again, played on loop for the boy that was falling apart. He strokes the other’s face, wiping his tears as he softly provides whatever comfort he can. He doesn’t say anything even close to  _ it’s okay _ or  _ it’ll be alright. _ Plagg never has. He never would if he didn’t know the situation, didn’t know with some form of certainty that things would be alright. And Adrien is thankful for it now as he holds the kwami close and grasps onto ever world like it was a lifeline. 

“My dad,” he finally chokes out after his sobs subside into hiccups, “I - I was akumatized and he was, was Hawkmoth. Marinette was Ladybug.” He sniffles and wipes his face with the back of his arm. “Father said Maman wasn’t gone, that he’s been doing this for her, that her miraculous hurt her.” 

“Her miraculous,” Plagg asks after a moment of silence. 

Adrien sniffles again. “The - e Peacock miraculous,” he whimpers, “and he’s Hawkmoth. He’s doing it to get her back! I was Chat Blanc and I de - destroyed  _ everything.” _ Tears coat his cheeks once again as he sniffles. He forces down his cries, forces all of it down the same way he did before photoshoots that made him feel disgusting. He forces all of it down the same way he did when Maman got sick, to begin with. He forces it down the same way he did when Nathalie said Maman left in the night to find some sort of curl for her illness  _ (Adrien always felt like that was a lie, she barely ever had the strength to open her eyes). _

“Oh,” Plagg whispers softly, “I’m so sorry, Kitten.” He nuzzles his holder, frowning and unsure of how to help. He doesn’t discourage the unsaid question of if Marinette is Ladybug or not. 

“Can… Can I talk to Mari about this?” 

“You’re asking me,” Plagg asks with a frown. 

He nods. “If… If it happened and Marinette  _ is _ Ladybug, it means she’s also the new miraculous guardian. She should be able to help, right? She might know what to do? We could bring the other heroes in or fuse miraculouses like we did when Chloe got akumatized that last time. Miracle Queen, was it?” 

Plagg pats his holder’s nose and smiles. “I’m sure she’ll know something, kitten.” 

Adrien calls the magical words that earns his transformation. He doesn’t even change clothes, his binder discarded in his room wherever he had thrown it to. He knows that doing this will reveal who he is, but he doesn’t know what else to do. The house was tainted and he felt so horrible just sitting there in his own bed. He runs across rooftops with the wind ruffling his hair. It doesn’t have the same empowering feeling it typically carried, not even when he got to Marinette’s knocking on her window softly. If she was asleep, he didn’t want to wake her. 

However, the girl opens the window with a frown. “Chat Noir,” she asks with a raised brow, concerned for the boy that literally  _ fell _ into her room, tear streaks still staining his cheeks. “Hey, what’s going on?” She kneels beside him, finger wiping away the tears that had fallen on his way here. He hadn’t even noticed. 

Chat wraps his arms around the girl. “I know this is going to sound crazy,” he rushes out with, “but I was akumatized and I know who you are beneath the mask. You’re Ladybug. Also, my dad is Hawkmoth and my mom is Mayura, but not the Mayura we have now. Actually, I think that’s my caretaker, Nathalie. Also, I’m Adrien Agreste and my Maman is not dead or missing like I thought she was. She’s in my basement in a coffin my dad built and I was Chat Blanc for a while and - Sorry, sorry, I’m crying again.” he forces himself to smile through the infodump, moving his arms away from her to fan his face as he tries his best to explain. He thinks he’s doing a shit job at it. 

Marinette frowns, trying to process that information. “Can… Can you repeat that but slower, please?” 

“I was akumatized,” he says, slowly as he wipes his face. “But it’s not your fault. At one point, your identity was revealed to me and we were dating. It was cool, really loved it, really like you, it was great, best and happiest time of my life.” he offers her a thumbs up, though it’s shaky. “You had to break up with me because my father wanted to akumatize you. I cataclysmed the akuma in front of you, but I transformed to do that, which  _ also _ happened in front of you.” he doesn’t look at her, can’t force himself to for the knot in his stomach that he knows is anxiety. “We caught Hawkmoth because he went for us, but he showed... “ His mouth suddenly feels dry. “W - Well, he showed us my mother’s coffin and then he kicked me or something?” his hands were shaking and he was starting to panic again. He forces it down with a harsh gulp of air. “It happened so fast. You two were fighting. He told me to be Chat Blanc. I - I didn’t want to but  _ Maman, _ and he was giving me the opportunity to get her back!” 

“Breathe,” Marinette whispers, supportive as she listens. 

He nods, sniffling as he wipes his face again. “Sorry, Mari. I… I remember  _ all _ of it. It was all  _ so much _ and he was telling me to get rid of you to get your miraculous and you were telling me not to listen so I just… Destroyed  _ everything.” _ His fingers find their way tangled in his hair and he could feel the tears falling again. 

“I know,” Marinette says in a soft voice, “I was there, remember?” 

He nods, smiling at her, though it’s watery and forced, “And Bunnyx!” 

She smiles, too, when he finally looks at her, hands still tugging at his hair. “I was there to see it. I don’t blame you for any of it. Your shitty father was the one who set it up… He manipulated you the entire time and I just… I’m so sorry I never noticed.” She pulls his hands from his hair, running her fingers through the messy strands. “You can drop your transformation now, if you’d like, Adrien.” 

“I’m not binding,” he warns her, cheeks tinting pink. 

She raises a confused brow. “What?” 

“I - I’m transgender. Is this  _ not _ public knowledge?”  _ No, _ Adrien thinks, _ it’s not. _ He did everything in his power to hide his transition since he was young. 

“I won’t look if you don’t want me to,” she says, “I can turn out the lights-” 

He shakes his head, smiling. “I trust you, Mari.” he smiles widely as he lets words fall from his lips, the transformation falling with a green light that flashes through the pink room. Only a few others knew about his secret. His family, Alya, Nino, Chloe and her father, Kagami, and Luka. Now, Marinette is added to that list as Adrien rests his forehead against her shoulder, eyes shut. 

“We’re going to have to get the team together to go after him,” she says in a soft voice. “I… I don’t think I want you there.” He frowns against her shoulder, but she’s quick to back it up with, “If it hurt you so much the first time, Hawkmoth will probably feel it all over again. I don’t want you going through that hurt again.” 

He considers her words for a moment before whispering, “But I controlled myself the first time. I destroyed him.” 

“You also destroyed me,” she says in a somber tone, warily crossing that line, silently asking if it’s even a line to begin with. “And I saw how hurt you were during that-” 

“You  _ didn’t,” _ he whispers. It’s not accusing. Hell, it’s the  _ truth. _ She didn’t. She saw the hurt then, the hurt that came  _ after. _

“I know, Chatton.” She runs her fingers through his hair as she says, “It was so much worse than what I saw. I can’t have you go through that again. Maybe you can come, but… I don’t want you fighting him front and center, okay?” 

He nods, arms loosely hanging around her waist. 

“Until we get to it, you’re staying here. I don’t want you back there until  _ after _ we get done with this.” 

“Thank you, Mari.” 

“Of course, Chatton.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Marichat shippers, how we feelin'?
> 
> Please leave comments! I love them!
> 
> here's my discord server!  
https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


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